A Trillion Things
by dork-with-glasses
Summary: I Hate English. Stupid Miss Briggs, I can't believe she set us HOMEWORK! I will probably write something about Ham...An english class turned interesting with someone's unlikely story, and then another person's unlikely response.
1. I hate English

**WOOOOOOOo onto my second fan-fiction ever! If you haven't read my first one (Perfect) then you can read it if you want to, you don't have to if you don't. It is as simple as that.**

**So this fan-fic is called A Trillion things. It was inspired by my friend (I was having an off day) and I was thinking of all the things she had ever done to annoy me and this idea happened!!!**

**So this takes place in the present iCarly day and age. After iMust Have Locker 239. It has no relevance to that episode but I just thought I'd put it there in case some big Seddie thing happens between now and eternity. **

**So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. I would love to though.**

I hate English. I speak it, what is the point of learning it in school? I write it, (well not much, my text books have hardly been open all year) so why do I spend my school time learning it? I listen to it (rarely it's true), why do I waste my time in Miss Brigg's ugly classroom.

Well they are all good questions. The only answer that the dork next to me can give me is: it will help us in the future. Well a fat cake would help me NOW, stuff the future!

Miss Briggs drones on and on and on and on and on and on...well you get the picture. I am vaguely aware of her talking about creative writing and how amazing stories can be reflected on emotion. Then I drift back off to sleep. I get lots of sleep in school. Freddork says all I ever do is sleep and eat. To be truthful, he is probably right, like I would ever tell him that though. He says the truth about a lot of things. One thing he said really bugs me. He said I had NO SELF CONTROL. Like I told him, I have oodles of self control, I self control myself all the time. That nub will never realise how much self control I have. Like I said, I have oodles.

If I had no self control right now I would have already walked out of class, given a nerd a Texas wedgie and put live lobsters in Miss Brigg's car. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, it was just that I had promised Carly that I would try and do better at school. I may be aggressive, a bully, eat a lot, be rude, obnoxious, but I NEVER break promises.

"Puckett, wake up. Class is almost over." Frederly whispers to me from the seat next to me. I awake from my train of thought and focus my attention to Miss Briggs; I also promised Carly I would do all my homework. I really need to stop making promises.

"Okay class, over the weekend I would like you to write a piece of creative writing about two conflicting emotions. If you fail, DETENTION! Samantha, you have one after school today, and for the next few weeks so GET IT DONE!" Miss Briggs calls to the class, particularly me.

If I didn't have oodles of self control then I would definitely not be sitting down right now, like a good girl. You don't even want to know what I would do to someone that called me Samantha. It's Sam. Always has been (well except for that brief period when Carly made me all girly to impress Pete, B.T.W I dumped him, he was a sore loser), always will be.

The bell rang, signalling the end of class. Freddork and I got up and left the class to Carly's locker, English was the only class I didn't have her in. I got Fredison instead, lucky me! (Please note that sarcasm is positively dripping of every work of that sentence).

"How was English?" My perfect, brunette best friend asks me.

"Horrible, she tried to make us LEARN things!" I said, acting horrified.

"Yeah, there's a shock, you know that's what they are supposed to do in school don't you Sam." Freddie said.

"Obviously, all this 'learning' you've been doing obviously hasn't taught you about how people make jokes. You know that don't you Benson?" I said.

"Well at least all my time at school hasn't been wasted on sleeping and getting detention." He shot.

"Well at least I know how to have a laugh!" I shot back.

I felt water on me and squealed.

"Carly!" Freddie and I both shouted at the same time, for Carly had sprayed us with a bottle of water.

"You guys are always fighting; can we please remember that we are all friends here? Don't you dare say another word Freddie Benson because 'that thing' is your friend!" Carly said, she sounded annoyed as Freddie opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it.

I suppose me and the dork are friends, in a weird, twisted kind of way. I don't really know what I would do without him. Wait, did I just think that? Well I suppose it's true. Without Freddork, who would I constantly pick on all the time?

**Author's Note: Okay so this is the FIRST chapter. It will probably be around 3 or 4 long. I can't be sure.**

**B.T.W if you didn't pick up on it, Sam talking about oodles of self control is from iHeart Art, the water spraying is from iWant More Viewers and the line: can we please remember that we are all friends here? and the term 'that thing' is from iReunite with Missy (my fav episode, so much Seddie, but not in the obvious iKiss way).**

**Read and Review please, I love hearing people's comments. **

**Thanks so much.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses**

**Xoxoxoxo**


	2. Beetroot red

Okay, so here is my next chapter. Thanks for all the great reviews! I feel so loved.

Yay, it is the holidays, I know all you people on the other side of the earth have like 3 months holidays but its winter here and I get two weeks!!!! I am gonna have fun! B.T.W Harry potter comes out soon, majorly excited!

OnWARDS with the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly; I do own the funky pen I won today in German. 

Ham.  
My story is about ham.  
I love ham. It is truly a wonderful invention, even if they do put a bone right in the middle of it.

We have to hand in our stupid stories for English today; did I mention I hate English?

It is just before last period, I'm at my lockers at the moment, the bell just rung. I am waiting for my food to come out of my microwave. I don't worry about being late, I'm always late.  
I grab my noodles out of my locker and walk down the hall towards English. I get in the door and I notice Miss Briggs isn't there yet.

I plonk down on my seat and begin to eat my noodles, ham flavour.

"Did you do your homework?" Freddork asked me.

"Course I did." I told him.

"Since when was it obvious that Sam Puckett did homework?" He questioned.

"Since Sam Puckett had a best friend who wouldn't give her any beef jerky until she had finished it. She was lucky that it wasn't ham or I might have got violent." I explained.

"Poor Carly" he said.

"You only ever think about Carly. And guess what?" I said.

"She will never love me." He finished.

"YES! She will never love you!" I said, shocked that he actually said, but I covered that up. Even though I am currently failing drama (stupid drama teacher), I am a pretty good actress.

"Alright class take your seats." Miss Briggs yelled at us, I don't know why, everyone was already in their seats. Maybe she likes being mean and shouting.

"And Samantha, put that food away right now or it is an automatic F." She said. It is only because of Carly that I put my food in Freddie's bag and said "Fine" usually I would have just taken the F.

"Sam.." Freddork moaned.

"Right class, today you will be handing in your homework. Every single person will be reading there story out to the class." Miss Briggs snapped. I groaned, so did everyone else, even Fredderly.

"Freddie, you first." Miss Briggs said. I laughed.

"Shame Freddork." I muttered.

"We'll see whose laughing when you fail and I pass." He muttered back, then said more clearly, "Um Miss Briggs, can I not go first."

"Up now or detention with Miss Puckett." She said menacingly.

"Fine." He said half-heartedly and walked up to the front of the class. I couldn't wait to make fun of his story. It was probably some story about how much he loves Carly.

He started to speak:

"My story is called A Trillion Things,

_I hate her. _

_I hate the way she calls me names._

_I hate the way she pulls pranks on me all the time._

_I hate the way she laughs at my pain._

_I hate the way she is constantly remarking on all my negatives._

_I hate the way she takes my money and never gives it back._

_I hate the way she takes my ice cream cone and licks it all over, just to bug me._

_I hate the way she always takes my food._

_I hate the way she says that no one will ever love me._

_I hate the way she looks down on me, even though I am taller than her._

_In fact there are more 100 things I hate about her, more than 1000, more than a million, more than a billion. In fact there are a trillion things I hate about her._

_The problem is,_

_I love her._

_I love the way she smiles._

_I love the way she makes a joke._

_I love the way she is aggressive and sweet at the same time._

_I love the way she laughs at things, even if it is causing me pain._

_I love the way her hair glistens in the sunlight._

_I love the way her eyes sparkle when she is happy._

_In fact there are more than a 100 things I love about her, more than 1000, more than a million, more than billion. In fact there are more than a trillion things I love about. There are a trillion and one._

_I hate the way I love her._

_I love the way I hate her._

_But the fact remains, a trillion and one is more than a trillion. That's just life."_

He finishes reading, going beetroot red. I sit there stunned. Every single person in the room is looking at me, except Freddie. It's not exactly hard to work out who his story is about. I am the only one that teases him. Well except for those jerks who teased him about never being kissed. But I am the ONLY constant tormenter. I am also pretty sure I am the only one who takes his ice cream cone and licks it all over just to bug him, even though it is usually because I love ice cream.

The room is silent. I have no idea what to think. For once in my life, food is not on my mind. Freddie loves me? That is seriously weird. Do I love him? Oh gosh, do I? This is a scary feeling.

"Good work Freddie, A+. It is so passionate and shows us all the fine line between love and hate. Brilliant, we may have to publish it in the school newspaper." Miss Briggs says.

"Um, no thanks Miss Briggs. I'm fine." Freddie said in a small voice. I don't blame him; I don't want that thing published either.

"Well to bad Mr Benson, it is going in the school newspaper." Miss Briggs said harshly. Freddie and I both groan.

"Sit down Mr Benson. Gibby, you next." She snaps.

Freddie walks back to his seat. He sits down and looks in the other direction from me. I do that as well. Luckily this is class so we are supposed to be silent anyway. If we weren't I am pretty sure there would be a major awkward silence right about now. I close my eyes and drift off.

"D- Gibby! That was horrible!" Miss Briggs shouts at a mortified Gibby. "Wendy, you next."

(30 minutes later).

"Horrible F!" Miss Briggs shouted at some poor, unfortunate student. I was the only one left now, but luckily the bell went. Saved by the bell, how cliché.

"Miss Puckett you are reading your story first thing tomorrow!" Miss Briggs yells as everyone gets up to leave. Rats. I know I am going to fail. Good thing is that Freddie can't tease me about it. He's still beetroot red.

I am the first to leave the class. I race to my locker and start emptying my bag. I need to get out of this place before Freddie gets here. That would be too awkward. I am just about finished when Carly comes up to her locker.

"What's the rush?" She questions.

"What, um no rush." I say,very unconvincingly so I slow down. She laughs.

"You coming over?" She asks.

"Anyone else gonna be there?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

"Probably just you and Freddie. Spencer is off doing something with Socko.

"Um, sorry I can't make it. Homework." I bluff and I race out.

"WHAT HOMEWORK? YOU NEVER DO HOMEWORK! IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?" She yells after me, I pretend not to hear.

What the heck am I going to do about Freddie? Sorry I meant Freddork.

**Author's Note: Did you like it? Please review. I didn't like Freddie's story much. It came to me and it sounded so much better in my mind than written down. Oh well. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Keep reading and waiting for the next chapter. I should put it up soon. Well once I have finished it. I am going to start it when I have finished putting this on fan fiction.**

**Please review. All views welcome.**

**Thanks a bunch for reading.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses**

**Xoxoxoxoxo**


	3. DON'T YOU RUN GIBBY!

**Onto chapter 3! Have you guys seen the trailer for iTwins? OMG I am SOOOOOO excited! (You can watch it on YouTube!) I am just totally majorly and incredibly excited. Not as excited as I am about harry potter but still majorly excited!**

**Okay so I really hope you like this chapter. Don't feel shy in reviewing! I love it when I get reviews, good or bad. It makes me feel nice. If you do have something bad to say please say it in a constructive way. There is no need for "That sucks" or "This is rubbish". Not that anyone has done it yet. I am just preparing for the worst.**

**Anyways, here you go:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, or much else for that matter.**

I ran home, the bus would take too long and I needed to get away from school and the people in it. The main reason is however that I spent all my money (and Freddork's) on lunch. Mama was really really hungry.

That would have been why I wasn't thinking about food in English. I was full.

_No Sam, it really wasn't. _

Yes it was.

_No it wasn't._

Yes it was.

_No it wasn't._

Yes it was.

No it wasn't.

Yes it was.

_NO it wasn't._

YES it was.

_NO it WASN'T._

YES it WAS.

_NO IT WASN'T._

YES IT WAS.

_NO IT WASN'T!!!_

YES IT WAS!!!

Somehow I know that the second voice in my head is right. Sam Puckett always thinks about food and is NEVER full. Everyone knows that.

I shook my head. What the heck was I going to do? I can't be falling for the dork. I need to find a nerd and beat him up. That's what you need to do in a time like this.

I walked back out of the house and walked down the street. I didn't live that far from school so it didn't take me that long. I had a mad glint in my eyes. I spotted Gibby walking ahead of me.

"GIBBY!" I yelled. He started running. "DON'T YOU RUN GIBBY!"

He was pretty slow so I caught up really quickly. I grabbed his backpack and swung him around.

"What are you gonna do to me?" Gibby whimpered. I paused. I was doing the wrong thing, it came flooding in. All this guilt. I had never felt like this before. It was weird. I just couldn't beat Gibby up for no reason.

"Nothing Gibby, don't worry." I said calmly,"Did we have any homework?"

"Science. I've already finished." Gibby said, obviously still scared. He was shaking.

"I'm not going to hurt you Gibby. Can I borrow your book to copy?" I asked.

"Sure. Bye Sam." He yelled as he thrust me the book and ran away. Stupid kid. I walked home. Really hungry now.

I hope we have something in. I cannot go to Carly's tonight, it would be too awkward.

I got home and opened the fridge. YUS, I thought to myself. We have ham. My mum is dating a butcher this week so we have meat in. He is my favourite of all my mum's boyfriends so far.

I grabbed the ham and walked to my room. I flopped down on my bed and put my pear-pod on. I had been eating for a minute or two when I felt my phone vibrating. I turned my pear-pod off and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey Sam," It was Carly, "I just wondered why you rushed off after school? And don't tell me it is homework. You never do homework unless I am there to make you!"

"I had to talk to Gibby about something." I said, this was of course true, I did see Gibby after school and I did talk to him.

"Oh really?" she said, not sounding convinced.

"Yes, you can ask him if you want!" I said.

"That's okay. You wanna come over? Me and Freddie are going over some videos for iCarly." She offered.

"Um, no thanks. I am majorly tired. I could do with a good night's sleep." I said. Proud at my excuse. It was way better than my homework one.

"Is there something wrong? What is with you and Freddie?" she questioned, "He has been acting weird ever since you guys had English. He won't tell me anything!"

"Nothing, Miss Briggs made everyone read their stories out. There wasn't enough time for mine though. I have to do it tomorrow. Gibby got a D-. Nothing new." I said quickly.

"Uh huh! Sure. I will find out!" Carly said, sounding determined.

"Okay Carls, bye! Gotta hit the sack." I finished.

"K Sam, see you tomorrow!" she ended cheerfully. Carly is just this big thing of sunshine, that must be why Freddie likes her. But wait, Freddie doesn't like her? Does he? This is way too confusing.

I fall back on my pillow, full for the second time that day. Something tells me it has to do with Freddork; I really hope that Something is wrong. But I know it isn't.

I guess I have always been kind of jealous of Carly. Freddie has loved her since forever and never looked at me.

It's not like I love the dork anyway. I try and reassure myself.

It's not working, so I have an idea.

This better get me an A+.

**Author's note: So this is the end of Chapter 3. I hope you liked it. I am sorry if Sam is a bit out of character but I feel in this early stage of denial that she would be un-Samish. Love does crazy things to you (or so I have heard). But don't worry. She will be back to regular Sam soon. **

**Please read and review!**

**Thanks so much to everyone that has already done both. Or even one. Although you have to do the first to do the second.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses**

**Xoxoxoxoxo**


	4. You're such a dork Freddie

**Onto Chapter 4. Thanks for the reviews everyone. KEEP REVIEWING! And reading!**

**I can't be bothered with some long winded start so I will just start.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, if you thought I did then you really need to get some help.**

My locker is like a bombsite. I can't find anything. I really need to find where I put my spare bowl because Freddie took mine the other day (okay, so I put it in his bag, it's his fault for not giving it back).

Just as I find it Carly comes around the corner. I have calmed down from last night; I was almost a complete wreck.

"Have you caught up on your sleep?" she asked me.

"What? Oh oh yeah I have." I replied.

"So what is up with Freddie? He hasn't asked me out in ages. It's not like I would say yes but the boy has been asking me out every week for years. It is so weird." She commented.

"Um sure. No idea." I bluff. I agree with her though. It is so weird. Since when did Freddie like me and not Carly?

I don't think it matters though. I am sure he will tell me. Well I hope so.

The bell rings and I walk off to English, saying goodbye to Carly before I go. I get there on time which is a very unusual occurrence for me. Freddie is already there, sitting with his books open, like the dork he is.

"You're such a dork Freddie." I tell him as I sit down next to him.

"Um yeah, I suppose." He says going beetroot again. He obviously hasn't gotten over yesterday yet. I hope he does soon. It is just becoming weird.

If I have my way he will be over it in about 10 minutes.

I don't know what encouraged me to do what I am about to do but it doesn't matter. I left my ham story in my locker on purpose so I have to read my new story. Like it or lump it.

"Samantha, up!" Miss Briggs calls as she enters the room. I get up and make my way slowly to the front of the room.

I start:

"My story is called A Trillion and One Things..."

**Author's note: Sorry the chapter is short. I just felt like leaving a cliff-hanger. I don't like this chapter much so hopefully the next one will be better.**

**I know it seems weird for Sam to suddenly get over her freak out but I figured once she had written her story she would have put the emotions on the piece of paper and would be free from the stress and the freak out.**

**Okay so review please.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses**

**Xoxoxoxo**


	5. I didn't know why it bugged me

**Whoa okay, cliff-hanger. Thanks for all the reviews. Keep reviewing please. It makes me feel special!**

**Totally excited for iTwins which comes out in 1 week in the USA! And also totally even more excited for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Sorry about my rambling about it, you guys didn't come here to read about me loving the HP series. **

**So here we go, chapter 5.**

Freddork looked up from his desk, staring at me with his eyes wide open. I could tell he was shocked. But I continued. Goodness knows the things I do for that boy.

"_I hate him._

_I hate the way he insults me back._

_I hate the way he tries to act cool or tough._

_I hate the way he thinks my ideas are stupid._

_I hate the way he complains when I take his ice cream cone all over just to bug him._

_I hate the way he handcuffed me to a nerd._

_I hate the way he tells people to run away from me._

_I hate the way he gets me angry._

_I hate the way he makes me feel like sometimes I have no control._

_I hate the way he laughs when I do something wrong._

_There are heaps of things I hate about him. More than a 100. More than 1000. More than a million. More than a billion. More than a trillion. There are a trillion and one things I hate about him. He's got me beat by one._

_I hate the way he looks at her, those eyes filled with longing. The puppy dog expression that bugs me so much._

_I didn't know why this bugged me so much until yesterday._

_The truth is._

_I love him back._

_I love the way he laughs._

_I love the way he smiles._

_I love the way he is his dorky self even though it's not cool._

_I love the way he talks about his tech equipment, even though I shut him down._

_I love the way he stands up for himself._

_I love the way he accepted my apology._

_I love the way his eyes sparkle when he thinks of a new idea._

_There are more than 100 things I love about him, more than 1000. More than a million, more than a billion. In fact there are more than a trillion things I love about him. Around a trillion and two. _

_I hate that I love him._

_I hate that I hate him._

_I love that I love him._

_I love that I hate him._

_A trillion and two will always beat a trillion and one."_

**Author's note: Okay so that was a short chapter but I felt it explained a lot. Again these ideas sounded so much better in my head so I am sorry if I ruined it. Don't be to harsh if you are reviewing it. **

**I am sorry it makes Sam kind of look out of character. **

**I feel that Sam feels guilty for Freddie having to read out his poem and having everyone know about it. Sam doesn't do it just to save him. She does love him. So don't worry about that.**

**Review please.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses**

**Xoxoxoxo**


	6. Mama does love the meat And fat cakes

**Okay, I know it has been a few days since I updated and I am sorry. I am also sorry if you do not like the story, as I have said before, it sounded so much better in my head.**

**Oh well, that's life.**

**Here is chapter 6, my last chapter. After this I am planning on writing a Shortland Street fan-fic so all you people in NZ who watch Shortland Street please read!**

**Read and Review please.**

**Sorry if you don't like this chapter. Major writers block.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own, Carly Shay, Sam Puckett, Freddie Benson or any other part or character of iCarly.**

The class was silent. Go figure. You think that they would be a tad more original and start talking or something. Oh well, that's most 9th graders for you.

"A++ Miss Puckett, good job. FANTASTIC! That is the kind of work I am looking for as an English teacher!" Miss Briggs said to me. Wow, I was a bit in shock, a bit was an understatement. Loving Freddork I could only just handle, getting compliments from Miss Briggs was INSANITY. I could only just manage to not faint. There was so much not right about it.

(a/n just watched a bit in iMust Have Locker 239 and OMG I love the line "Oh Gibby, there is so much not right about you." That I just had to use some of it)

I looked at Miss Briggs, shock showed on every part of my face. Could you blame me? I stared at her for a moment and then walked to my desk and sat down.

After a few seconds everyone stopped looking at Freddie and I. Miss Briggs started the proper start of the lesson and everyone began taking notes. Well everyone except me. I fell asleep, I could do homework but taking part in class was all a bit too much for me.

The bell rang and I got up slowly and walked to my locker. I had opened it and had just started to get the books out for my next class when my bubbly brunette best friend came bounding up to me.

"Is it true?" She asked.

"Is what true?" I asked back. Pretending I had no idea what she was talking about.

"That you like Freddie and he likes you back." She said, she was so excited I thought she would explode.

"Chillax Carls, you are going to explode!" I told her.

"So is it?" She questioned further, a massive grin on her face.

"Yeah, I guess." I said. Trying to down play it when I was practically singing inside. Cheesy I know. That's why I am down playing it.

"Sam Puckett do you not have a romantic bone in your body?! You really like a guy and he likes you back, you both read out stories about each other in class and I ask you if you like him and all you can say is 'yeah, I guess'" She said, apparently outraged in a nice kind of way if you know what I mean.

"Yes. I am not the mushy type, Carls. You are my best friend, surely you know that." I told her.

"Have you even talked to him since class?" She questioned.

"I talked to him during class, does that count?" I asked.

"I suppose. Was this before or after your story?" She said. Man I was getting tired of her questions.

"Before. Don't pressure me Carly or I will end up saying something really stupid. Truth is I am on top of the world about this whole thing. I don't know why, it is crazy but I love it. He is the nicest, smartest, dorkiest, most annoying, caring person I have ever met and I love him." I said matter of factly.

"Of course you do. I knew something like this would happen. Well I kind of gave up on hope but Volia! You did not disappoint. You coming to history?" Carly said.

"Nope. I gotta do something first." I told her as I slammed my locker door and walked over to Freddie's locker. He got his old one back since Locker 239 was destroyed. I laughed inwardly to myself.

"Hey." I said.

"Hi. Um Sam what's up with..." He started.

But I kissed him. It was so much better than the first time. I pulled away and said:

"Since we are now dating, dork I expect Ham and fat cakes all the time. Mama does love the meat. And Fat cakes."

"So this means you're not going to mess with me anymore?" he asked.

"No, I'm still going to mess with you." I told him, the idiot. Did he really think that anything would stop me messing with him?

"Good." He said.

"Good?" I questioned. Knowing exactly where this was going.

"Yeah, I would be to weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time." He said, smiling at me.

"But maybe I'll pull back just a little bit." I told him.

"Really?" He asked. I shook my head. "Didn't think so."

He kissed me on the cheek and then headed off to his next class.

I turned around. Smiling like an idiot. He was such a dork. Too bad I love him.

**Author's note: Okay so this story is OVER. I quite like the ending. Feel free to disagree. Read and Review please. I value what you have to say.**

**I quite like my ending. More than the middle anyway. That is probably because I didn't have an ending in my head when I started.**

**Hope you enjoyed reading it and if not well at least you got to the end before you judged it.**

**Thanks everyone for reading and thanks to everyone who reviewed. And thanks of course to everyone that makes iCarly possible.**

**TTFN**

**Dork-with-glasses.**

**Xoxoxoxo**


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